These moments I wish would quickly pass
Other times I wish they would never end
The confusion, enlightenment, reality of a dream
I wish I could take a long drink
Wash it away in one gulp
Then I remember I am sober these days
And I want to scream at times
Raise my voice to the heavens
Then I remember no one really cares
Alone in an overcrowded world
Yet I know there are others
Like me
I want to call my uncle Tony
He always has an answer
Then I remember he's been dead for years
I want to break down
Let tears fall free
But I haven't cried since the doctors released me
I never asked for this
Except for maybe in jest
Careful what you wish for
Depressiom
Post Traumatic Stress
This is my life
I wish I could sleep
Escape into a dream
Then I recall that I'm an insomniac
I wish I wasn't so trusting
Or so hurtful
Why must it be like this?
The knife beckons
Crying for crimson release
Then I remember I am not really into pain
I have so much to say
So many stories to tell
Yet I have trouble finding the words
You don't know me
Would you want to?
What if I let the demons dance?
Cutting the puppet strings
Still they twirl around
Like Gepetto's bastard son
I want to cry out
This is me
This is who I am
The abused child
The abusive adult
The one who felt the pain
The child raped
The angry youth
The stoned freak in the corner
The one who saw
The one who felt
The one who can never forget
This is me
This is my life
This is my reality
The drowning kid
The overdosed freak on the sidewalk
The one who was stabbed
Haunted by ghosts
The children unborn
The ones I never knew
I remember the explosion
The flames
Another home gone
I can still see the eyes
The dark black holes
Eyes of a terrorist
I can see the blood
Flowing out of my son
Due to my ignorance
I hate being alone
But lately the problem is
I don't want to be around others
I look at my scars
Some faded with time
Each with their own tale to tell
I want something
I wish I new
What I really need
I don't want pity
Understand if you will
I just don't know
These words will remain
Long after I am gone
I wish someone could explain what they mean
In time
Things will change
But I guess, this isn't the time
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